Good morning beautiful. Four years ago, I received that beautiful text. I had gotten it many times before, from my husband. This time, it was indeed also from him. Yet, it wasn’t for me. They started dating almost right after we separated. To add insult to injury, the text arrived moments before we stepped into the courthouse to finalize divorce proceedings. With eyes full of daggers and tears, I still showed up to become a new me. A single me. A single mom me. A different me. Four years after my divorce, I can also say I am a better me. Sometimes, life sends me reeling. I am in one of those times.
The past two days I have stayed in bed past noon. My sleep hygiene is suffering. Up too late. Getting up here and there. Last week would’ve been my 18th wedding anniversary. Factor that plus the looming holidays and it is one tough month.
Thankfully, I had therapy this morning before I snuggled in for bedtime part two. My therapist is awesome. She gets frustrated with me though. First of all, I told her I couldn’t download Insight Timer for guided meditations because I am having a technical difficulty. She replied snarkily, you seem devastated about that. She was right. I was not. I am not feeling like someone telling me how fantastic I am, how I am worth it, when I am feeling like crap.
She said something really interesting and awakening. Big truth bomb coming.
“Amy, stop abusing yourself. You would make my job easier if you would stop shaming yourself, stop being mean to yourself. Life kicks us hard enough. It doesn’t help anything.”
Abuse. Really? Then it dawned on me. She is so right . If I were to say the things I say to me to anyone else, I would lose that relationship without a doubt.
Decades of abuse will not stop overnight. I am going to give it my best shot.
So, what is my new plan? That’s where we are now. I won’t lay this major step by step, play by play at your feet because I don’t want to disappoint either of us. I am struggling in the energy department and trying to put my best slipper forward for me and my three kids.
Here it is. Get ready to get it together, like me. My advice to you is:
Be kind. Yep. That’s it. So, what does that look like?
Put good things into my body. Garbage in, garbage out. Nope. I will eat as healthy as possible and drink at least 64 oz. of water per day. That’s two of my gorgeous pale pink birthday bottles.
Put good things into my mind. Positivitude. Turn down the downers. Fun podcasts, funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny videos sent by my son. You sense a theme here. Laugh more, cry a little less.
Move my body. Get up every few minutes and do something. Dance. Walk outside and enjoy the brisk air and lovely landscape. Yes, embrace the greys.
Listen to my body. Sleep when needed. Even past noon. Binge Netflix on the couch as necessary. Turn off tech and tune in silence and solitude. Whatever works.
Date myself. I am extremely single. In the midst of a pandemic, I am also socializing mostly online. Treat yourself to a favorite beverage in your coziest pjs. Fix your favorite meal. Watch what you want. When you want. You are surviving one of the toughest times in the history of the world, I think that deserves a chai tea latte with extra whip, at the very least.
Surround yourself with love. However that may look to you. Good books, great friends, virtually or not. Let’s be safe. Be smart. Be kind.
These are some guidelines. Bite off what you can chew. Save the rest for later. Make the best of this life. It’s worth it. You’re worth it. Shall we dance?